How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

An obituary tells people that someone has died, gives a short picture of their life, and says when and where to gather. This guide takes you through it one part at a time, with wording to copy, a complete example, and an outline to follow.

On this page:

• Before you start: gather the facts
• What to include in an obituary
• How to write an obituary, step by step
• How the parts fit together
• An outline to copy
• How long should an obituary be?
• How to write a short or simple obituary
• Writing an obituary for your mother, father or another family member
• Choosing the tone
• Common mistakes to avoid
• Writing it together as a family
• Where to publish the obituary
• Frequently asked questions

Before you start: gather the facts

Most of the work is collecting facts, not writing. Sit down for a quarter of an hour with a relative who knows the family history and note:

• The full name, including a middle name, maiden name or the nickname people used.
• The dates and places of birth and death, and the age.
• Where they lived, went to school, worked or served.
• The names of the spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings and parents, spelled the way each person spells them, and who died before them.
• The service details from the funeral home or place of worship: visitation, service, burial and reception.
• The charity or fund for memorial donations, if the family wants one.
• Two or three stories, sayings or habits that people will recognize.
• A clear photo, if the obituary will appear online or in print.

Decide early who writes and who checks. One writer and one or two readers work better than a group editing the same text. If a newspaper or funeral home will publish it, ask about their deadline and any length limit before you start.

What to include in an obituary

A few parts appear in almost every obituary; the rest is up to the family. The last column shows the matching field in our obituary maker, in case you finish it there.

Families who published an obituary with us made much the same choices. Of the 93 obituaries paid for and published on obituary.design between May and early November 2026, 88% gave service details, 84% listed the surviving family, 83% included a short verse or quote, and 62% named a place for memorial donations.

How to write an obituary, step by step

The steps follow the order most US obituaries use. Each one has a pattern you can copy: replace the parts in brackets, and leave out what doesn't apply.

1. Announce the death

The first sentence gives the facts people are looking for. Someone who reads only that sentence should know who died, where they lived and when.

[Full name], [age], of [city, state], passed away [peacefully / unexpectedly] on [date] [at home / at place], [surrounded by family].

How much to say about the cause of death is up to the family. “After a long illness,” “after a short illness” and “unexpectedly” are common when the family prefers not to say more. Some families name the illness to raise awareness or to ask for donations to a related charity.

“Died” is always correct. “Passed away” is the most common choice, and faith-based obituaries often say “went home to be with the Lord” or “entered into eternal rest.”

2. Tell their life story

This is the part people remember. It doesn't need to be a résumé. Pick a few of these:

• Where and when they were born, and to whom: “Ruth was born on February 3, 1942, in Xenia, Ohio, to Harold and June Miller.”
• School, work or military service, in one or two sentences.
• Marriage and family: “She married Robert Parker in 1963.”
• What they loved and how people knew them: a hobby, a saying, a habit.

Specific details say more than general ones. “She loved to cook” could be anyone; “her Sunday pot roast fed whoever happened to stop by” could only be her. Ask yourself what they always did, said or made, and what people will miss on an ordinary day.

Write in the past tense and the third person (he, she or they). Use the name people knew them by. A nickname goes in quotation marks: Robert “Bud” Hayes.

3. List the family

Family lists follow a rough order: spouse or partner first, then children (with their spouses in parentheses), grandchildren and great-grandchildren, parents, and siblings, then nieces, nephews and friends. Relatives who died before them get their own sentence.

She was preceded in death by her husband of 58 years, Robert; her parents; and her brother, Daniel Miller.

She is survived by her children, Susan (Mark) Ellis of Columbus and David (Karen) Parker of Dayton; five grandchildren; two great-grandchildren; and her sister, Carol Hughes.

Semicolons separate the groups when the names themselves contain commas. Giving a number (“five grandchildren”) instead of every name keeps the list readable and makes it less likely that someone is left out. Stepchildren, partners and close friends belong in the list if that is how the family lived. For more wording, see how to word “survived by”.

4. Give the service details

For each event (visitation, service, burial, reception), give the day, date, time and the full name and address of the place.

Visitation will be held on Friday, November 6, 2026, from 5 to 7 p.m. at Morris Funeral Home, 410 Elm Street, Dayton. The funeral service will be on Saturday, November 7, 2026, at 11 a.m. at First Presbyterian Church, followed by burial at Hillcrest Cemetery.

If the service is private, say so: “Services will be private.” If the plans aren't settled yet: “A celebration of life will be held at a later date.” If the service will be streamed, add the link.

5. Add memorial donations and thanks

If the family would like donations instead of flowers, name the organization exactly and check that the donation link works.

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [organization], [website or address].

The family thanks the staff of [hospice or care home] for their kind care. Arrangements are by [funeral home].

If flowers are welcome, say where to send them. Leave both parts out if the family has no wishes; one or two sentences are enough for each.

6. Add a heading, verse or closing line

Many obituaries open with a short heading such as “In Loving Memory” or end with a line of scripture, a favorite quote or “Forever in our hearts.” Online and on a printed card, these frame the text. In a newspaper that charges by length, many families leave them out.

7. Review it before you publish

• Check the spelling of every name with the person or their closest relative.
• Compare each date with a calendar, including the weekday.
• Check times, addresses and the donation link.
• Read it aloud. Long sentences and missing words show up when you hear them.
• Ask one relative who didn't help write it to read it.
• Leave out the full birth date together with the mother's maiden name, the home address, and anything that says when the house will be empty. Identity thieves and burglars read obituaries too.

How the parts fit together

This fictional obituary of about 250 words shows how the steps fit together. The names, places and dates are invented. For sixteen more complete examples, from short notices to long tributes, see our obituary examples.

Why it works: the first sentence answers who, where and when. The life story uses two specific details (the maternity ward, the butterscotch jar) instead of a list of achievements. The family list is complete without naming every grandchild, and anyone who wants to attend knows exactly where to go.

An outline to copy

Copy this outline into a document and replace the parts in brackets. Leave out any part that doesn't fit.

[Full name], [age], of [city, state], passed away [peacefully / unexpectedly] on [date] [at home / at place], [surrounded by family].

[First name] was born on [date] in [city, state] to [parents' names]. [He/She/They] graduated from [school] and worked as [job] at [employer] for [number] years. [He/She/They] married [spouse's name] in [year]. [First name] loved [interests] and will be remembered for [a quality, habit or saying].

[He/She/They] [was/were] preceded in death by [relationships and names]. [He/She is / They are] survived by [spouse]; [children (their spouses)]; [number] grandchildren; and [siblings].

[Visitation / A funeral service / A celebration of life] will be held on [day, date] at [time] at [place, address]. [Burial will follow at cemetery.]

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [organization]. The family thanks [caregivers]. Arrangements are by [funeral home].

Looking for a template instead? Our free obituary templates come as Word and PDF files, and the fill-in-the-blank obituary templates there cover a short notice, a full obituary, a celebration of life, a faith-based obituary and a veteran's tribute.

How long should an obituary be?

There is no set length. It depends on where the obituary appears and how much the family wants to say.

On obituary.design, the 93 obituaries families published between May and early November 2026 had a median length of 255 words, and half of them were between about 150 and 340 words. The life story itself had a median of about 120 words; the family and service details made up the rest.

In a newspaper, length is price. See what a newspaper obituary costs. Many families print a short notice in the paper and publish the full obituary online; online vs. newspaper obituaries compares the two.

How to write a short or simple obituary

A short obituary keeps three things: who died, who survives them, and when and where to gather.

Thomas James Reed, 71, of Spokane, Washington, died on October 12, 2026. He is survived by his wife, Linda; his sons, Michael and Daniel; and four grandchildren. A memorial service will be held on Saturday, October 24, 2026, at 2 p.m. at Valley Community Church.

To make it personal without making it long, add one sentence, such as: “Tom spent 30 years as a mail carrier and knew every dog on his route by name.” For more, see the short and simple obituary examples.

Writing an obituary for your mother, father or another family member

When you write for your own parent, spouse or sibling, you are also one of the people being listed. A few things help:

• Write about them, not about your grief. The obituary is in the third person; keep “we” for a closing line, if at all.
• List yourself the same way as everyone else: “She is survived by her children, Susan (Mark) Ellis and David Parker.”
• Ask a sibling or another relative to check names and dates, especially family history from before you were born.

An obituary for your mother

Include her maiden name, as old friends and relatives may know her by it: “Mary Louise Bennett (née Walsh)” or “Mary Louise (Walsh) Bennett.” Mention her work and the life she had outside the family, not only her role as a mother.

Mary Louise Bennett (née Walsh), 79, of Albany, New York, died peacefully on September 30, 2026. Born in Troy to Patrick and Anne Walsh, she worked for 25 years as a school secretary and knew every student's name. She was happiest in her kitchen, and her soda bread came to every family gathering. She is survived by her children, Kathleen (Tom) Hart and John Bennett; six grandchildren; and her brother, Michael Walsh. She was preceded in death by her husband, James.

For a longer version, see the obituary example for a mother.

An obituary for your father

Fathers' obituaries easily turn into a list of jobs. Keep the work to a sentence or two, and add how he spent his time and what people learned from him. If he served in the military, give the branch and the years. Eligible veterans can receive military funeral honors, which the funeral home can help request.

Robert “Bud” Hayes, 82, of Wichita, Kansas, died at home on October 10, 2026. Bud served in the U.S. Army from 1962 to 1965 and then spent 34 years as a lineman for the electric company, climbing poles in every kind of weather. He coached Little League for twenty years and could fix almost anything with a roll of duct tape. He is survived by his wife of 59 years, Joan; his daughters, Lisa (Craig) Morgan and Amy Hayes; and five grandchildren.

See also the obituary example for a father and the veteran obituary example.

An obituary for your husband or wife

The surviving spouse comes first among the survivors: “He is survived by his wife of 47 years, Ellen.” Say how long you were married, and how you met if it's a story people know. It's fine to ask a friend or one of your children to write the draft and read it to you; many widows and widowers do. See the examples for a husband and a wife.

An obituary for your brother or sister

When the parents have died, brothers and sisters are often the ones who write the obituary. Name the parents among those who died before, and list the surviving siblings in order of age. If your brother or sister had a spouse or children, agree on the wording with them: they are the closest family and come first in the list.

Choosing the tone

Let the obituary sound like the person. The same opening in four tones:

• Traditional: “Margaret Ann Collins, 85, of Columbus, Ohio, died on October 9, 2026.”
• Warm: “Margaret Collins, who never met a stranger, died on October 9, 2026, at the age of 85.”
• Faith-based: “Margaret Ann Collins, 85, went home to be with the Lord on October 9, 2026.”
• Light: “Margaret Collins, 85, who believed every problem could be solved with pie, died on October 9, 2026.”

Humor works when it sounds like the person and the whole family agrees. If in doubt, choose warm over funny. For complete examples, see the Christian, Catholic and celebration of life obituaries.

Common mistakes to avoid

1. Misspelled names. Check each one with the family, including spouses in parentheses.
2. A date that doesn't match its weekday. Check every service date against a calendar.
3. Missing service basics: the time, the full address, or whether an event is public or private.
4. A list instead of a life. Two specific details say more than ten job titles.
5. Leaving people out. Give a number for grandchildren if names might be missed, and check stepfamily and partners with the family.
6. Saying more than the family agreed to, about the cause of death or about family conflicts.
7. Details that invite fraud or burglary: the full birth date with the mother's maiden name, the home address, or when the house will be empty.
8. Too long for print. If the newspaper charges by length, shorten the print version and publish the full obituary online.
9. Copying an example word for word. Keep the structure and write what is true for your family.
10. Publishing without a second reader.

Writing it together as a family

Several people usually want a say, and that helps with accuracy. It works best when one person writes and the others check:

• Ask each sibling or close relative for one memory or detail to include.
• Send one draft to everyone with a deadline for corrections, rather than editing a shared document at the same time.
• Agree on who has the final word, usually the spouse or the eldest child.

If you make the obituary in our maker, you can send a preview link before anything is published. Relatives see the finished design on their phone and tell you what to change. The link stops working after four days.

Where to publish the obituary

Most families publish in more than one place:

• Online, on a page you can share by text, email or social media. See how to share an obituary.
• In the local newspaper, often in a shorter version because of the price.
• On the funeral home's website, if they offer it.
• In the funeral program, where a shorter life story goes on the inside page. See what to put in a funeral program.

Frequently asked questions

Who usually writes the obituary?

A close family member, often the spouse or an adult child. The funeral home can help with the structure and the service details, but the personal parts have to come from the family.

Is an obituary written in the past or present tense?

Mostly in the past tense and the third person: “She loved her garden.” The present tense is used for the living: “She is survived by …”

Do you have to mention the cause of death?

No. It's the family's decision. “After a short illness” or “unexpectedly” is enough when the family prefers privacy.

Can I include an ex-spouse, a partner or a pet?

Yes, if the family is comfortable with it. A partner is often listed as “her partner of 12 years, Sam.” Former spouses are usually left out unless they stayed close, for example as the parent of the children. Pets appear in many obituaries: “and her beloved dog, Max.”

How soon after the death is the obituary published?

Usually within a few days, so that people can plan to attend the service. If the plans aren't settled, publish with “Services will be announced at a later date” and share the details once they are set.

What is the difference between an obituary and a death notice?

A death notice is a short announcement with the basic facts and the service details. An obituary is longer and tells the story of the person's life. Many families place a death notice in the paper and publish the full obituary online.

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Related guides

• Obituary Examples: 16 Short, Simple & Sample Obituaries
• Free Obituary Templates for Word and PDF
• How Much Does an Obituary Cost?
• Online vs. Newspaper Obituaries
• How to Share an Obituary
• Funeral Program Template: What to Put on Each Page